The (Less than) Annual Album Awards: 400 Albums Edition

Can’t stop, won’t stop. It’s a funny line from a ChappelleShow skit. It’s a book on our shelves that desperately wants to be read. And it’s the underlying mantra for us here at 1001 Album Reviews. We’ve labored and toiled over the course of more than 5-and-a-half years. And yet, we can’t stop. We won’t stop.

Except today, when we are totally stopping to celebrate meeting the 40% mark on this endeavor! Another hundred albums have come and gone, and it is time to memorialize them the only way we know how/have tried: *Oprah voice* FAKE AWAAAAAAAARDS!!!

So, without further ado, let’s revisit some of the albums and artists that have left their mark over the last nearly 2 years since our last fake award. And then, let us begin anew our efforts to complete this slog. For glory!!!

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Zack: What’s in a name? For us, a shit ton. A very important criterion for which albums we choose to listen to is how cool is the name. So I wanted to take a moment to recognize those bands and albums with implausibly cool names. With that said, the nominees for the Mustapha Mond Award for Best Name are…

The Boo Radleys - Giant Steps
Super Furry Animals - Fuzzy Logic
Tom Waits - Nighthawks at the Diner
Violent Femmes - Violent Femmes
The Wu-Tang Clan - Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)

And the winner is…Tom Waits, Nighthawks at the Diner! While there is little special about the man’s name, I love this album title. There’s something about it that is just very vivid and poetic. Boo Radleys have a great band name, but the album title is lacking. Violent Femmes is also a great band name, but they don’t get double points for going with an eponymous album title. I like the link between the band and album titles for Super Furry Animals, but neither really capture the essence of the band. Wu-Tang Clan almost snatched this. It is a great name and the album title is better than going purely eponymous. I honestly love it. But I just love Nighthawks at the Diner (as a title) a little bit more.

Emily: Sometimes, the best thing about an album is its danceability. There is always room for music that you can groove to at a club, in the car, or even in your living room when no one else is home. It doesn't have to be the most interesting or groundbreaking album - all you need are some good beats and a few lyrics that are fun to shout along with. The nominees for the Shake Your Groove Thing Award are...

ABBA - Arrival

Basement Jaxx - Remedy

Curtis Mayfield - Super Fly

Justice - Cross

Sister Sledge - We Are Family

And the winner is...Sister Sledge, We Are Family! While Justice and Basement Jaxx are great for the club, I'm just not the club-going type. But throw on We Are Family in the car or at a wedding, and everyone from your grandma to your baby cousin will be dancing and singing along. Disco is made for dancing, and Sister Sledge have mastered the groove.

Zack: You would think that a list of 1001 albums that demand listening would only have good stuff within in. You would be very wrong. Every once in a while, an album betrays us. They force us to listen as they are unmistakably and irredeamably bad. They hit us where we’re most sensitive with this suckiness. The nominees for the Steven Adams’s Testicles Award are…

ABBA - Arrival
Barry Adamson - Moss Side Story
The Beau Brummels - Triangle
Culture Club - Colour By Numbers
Throbbing Gristle - D.o.A.: Third and Final Report

And the winner is…Throbbing Gristle, D.o.A.: Third and Final Report!!! Throbbing Gristle may be the album we listened to most recently, but I still feel confident saying that it was also the worst. Beau Brummels’s mediocrity drove me crazy. Barry Adamson was just lacking cohesiveness and was kind of dull. And ABBA and Culture Club share a common sin: They were just too fucking poppy. Throbbing Gristle, however, was just terrible from start to finish. I don’t have any clue why anyone would ever like this album. I just don’t.

Emily: Sometimes, among all of the classic albums that we get to listen to on this list, something totally terrible sneaks on. Not just mediocre, not just confusing, but music that can actually cause physical pain when you listen to it. Unpleasant albums have come up in every section of our journey through the list, but only a select few are deemed totally unlistenable. The nominees for the I'd Rather Take the Bar Again than Listen to This Album are...

Adam and the Ants - Kings of the Wild Frontier

Barry Adamson – Moss Side Story

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - Will the Circle be Unbroken

Scott Walker - Scott 2

Throbbing Gristle - D.o.A.: Third and Final Report

And the winner is...Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Will the Circle be Unbroken! Although there were many strong contenders for worst album here, Nitty Gritty clocks in at almost two hours of twangtastic country music. I listened to it over the course of several days last summer, and each time I prayed for it to be over as quickly as possible. The sheer length combined with the unpleasantness makes this the album I'd choose the bar exam over, time and time again.

Zack: And now, to celebrate those precious albums that make it all worthwhile. Plenty of albums that we come across are good, and some are even great. But there are previous few gems that make you stop and say “Wow.” These are those albums. They’re the ones that change the way you think of music. They’re the ones that seem to wash over you in their excellence. They’re the ones you definitely don’t put on Dropbox for other people to bask in since that would be illegal file sharing. And among these gems, one shines brightest. This gem, from the listed nominees, is the Steven Adams’s Moustache Award Winner. The nominees…

BB King - Live at the Regal
Bruce Springsteen - Darkness on the Edge of Town
Fundadelic - Maggot Brain
Otis Redding - Otis Blues/Otis Redding Sings Soul
Wu-Tang Clan - Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)

And the winner is….the Wu-Tang Clan, Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)!!! It’s one of my favorite rap albums, and for damn good reasons. It completely changed the course of rap music, all for the better. I wrote a long review for it, so I won’t sing its praises too much. But I will say that it beat out some tough competition. BB King and Otis Redding created masterpieces of their genres in Live at the Regal and Otis Redding Sings Soul. Bruce did some amazing things lyrically on Darkness at the Edge of Town, and the genius in those words is matched by what Funkadelic did musically on Maggot Brain. All of these albums, and a number of others that couldn’t make the cut, were strong contenders. But, I mean, it’s 36 Chambers. Enough said.

Emily: As easy as it was to find albums that I hated from this batch, it was really hard to find ones that I loved. Maybe it's because it's been almost two years since we last had an awards post, or maybe it's because this middle section just wasn't all that inspiring. However, a few albums broke through the dust to become my favorites. The Diamond in the Rough Best Album nominees are...

B.B. King - Live at the Regal

Count Basie - The Atomic Mr. Basie

Joni Mitchell - The Hissing of Summer Lawns

Morrissey - Your Arsenal

Primal Scream - Vanishing Point

The winner is...B.B. King, Live at the Regal! Over the last couple of years, I've listened to more and more jazz and blues music. It's probably because I mostly listen to music while I work, and instrumentals do the trick of keeping me focused while not distracting me. But I have had the opportunity to hear some live jazz in the last few months, and I've realized that jazz is best heard live. The musicians can improvise and try new things, feeding off the audience and coming up with new classics right before their eyes and ears. B.B. King's live album epitomizes the energy of a live show, helmed by one of the masters of the craft. That's why it's an enduring classic, and my favorite album of this group.

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Well, thanks for putting up with another long post. We’ll be back to reviewing albums shortly, and we’ll try to get around to doing another one of these before the sun expires. But no promises.

300 Down, 700 to Go...But First, Some Awards!

Everyone take a deep breath. Now exhale. Inhale again. And breathe out once again. Please continue repeating these two steps or else you’ll pass out while reading this super-long mega-post celebrating that we are now 30% done with this! As such, it’s time for everyone who’s anyone’s favorite feature: fake awards.

It’s been a while since we’ve done one of these (so long that the last one featured a Billy Crystal joke, and that is not hyperbole), so we understand if you’ve forgotten the routine. We’ll each nominate and then pick our favorite and not-so-favorite albums as well as a mystery category to be discussed shortly. And without further ado…

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Zack: No matter what, I go into every album with some sort of expectation. Maybe it’s because I’ve heard a song or two, maybe it’s because I’ve just heard of the band somewhere, or maybe having some loose notion of genre and thinking the band name is funny or stupid or something gives me something to go off of. Whatever it is, I have some sort of expectation. But sometimes albums shatter whatever preconceived notion I have. These are the albums that maybe didn’t end up being my favorites, but were much better than I expected. And the nominees for the @midnight Award are…

Sigur Ros - Agaetis byrjun
Scissor Sisters - Scissor Sisters
Steely Dan - Aja
Drive-by Truckers - Southern Rock Opera
Dexys Midnight Runners - Too-Rye-Aye

And the winner is…Southern Rock Opera by Drive-by Truckers! The name sounds hickish and the album title elicits a lot of different thoughts. And yet when you actually press play, you’re greeted with a thoughtful and balanced examination of the southern mythos backed by powerful guitars. I’ve listened to several other albums by Drive-by Truckers as well as Southeastern by Jason Isbell and all have been built on the same backbone of just plain smart lyrics. With a name like Drive-by Truckers, you might not expect that. But it’s what you get. 

Emily: As Zack know quite well, my memory isn't the best. While I'm really good at remembering a semester of material for my law exams (important!) and lyrics from obscure girl groups that were in heavy rotation on Radio Disney in 2000 (less important!), I'm not great at remembering books I've read, movies I've seen, and albums I've listened to - especially for this blog, for whatever reason. Sometimes, though, albums really stand out and stick in my mind for a long time after the first listen. So the nominees for the Oh Yeah - I Remember That One! Award are...

Sleater-Kinney - Dig Me Out

Sex Pistols - Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols!

Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

Drive-by Truckers - Southern Rock Opera

Black Flag - Damaged

And the winner is...Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Eurythmics! I have always loved the new-wave title track of this album, so after listening to the whole thing I go back to that one song a lot since it's finally on my iPod. As a result, I keep listening to some of the other peripheral tracks and the album has stuck in my mind for way longer than many others have in the past 100.

Zack: Hey, no one bats 1001. So while it might not always seem like it, I do try to be understanding when an album isn’t working for me. Tastes are eclectic and just because I don’t appreciate it doesn’t mean that others wouldn’t. Then there are the following albums. They don’t fall into that category. They are abominations, and should be treated as such. And the nominees for The Newsroom Award are…

Neneh Cherry - Raw Like Sushi
Limp Bizkit - Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water
Orange Juice - Rip it Up
The Residents - Duck Stab!?Buster & Glen
Napalm Death - Scum

And the winner(?) is…Napalm Death’s Scum! Scum is exactly like its namesake. We’ve both elaborated on why elsewhere, so all I’ll say here is don’t listen to it ever.

Emily: Some people might say that there is no such thing as objectively bad music. They clearly have not listened to some of these albums. These are the ones that made me want to throw my iPod into the street as I waited for the bus and made me curse both the writers of this list and my 19-year-old self for putting me through excruciating ear pain. And the nominees for the Goddammit Guys! Award are...

Limp Bizkit - Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water
Orange Juice - Rip it Up
The Residents - Duck Stab!?Buster & Glen
Napalm Death - Scum
The Verve - Urban Hymns

And the winner is...Napalm Death! I absolutely have to agree with Zack here. Scum is absolutely not fit for human auditory consumption. Probably not canine either.

Zack: Looking back at the two previous awards posts, I was struck by how wrong I was about my favorite albums at the 100 mark and so right at the 200. Maybe my tastes have crystallized a little more. Maybe I just picked those so recently that time hasn’t had the opportunity to change my mind (definitely not that one). But I’m going to shoot to do the same here. Which would be a lot easier if there were more stand-out albums from this batch. Instead, I found myself trying to cram 8-10 albums I liked about equally into only 5 slots. I could just change the rules like I’m the Oscars or something, but that seems kind of weak. So instead, I made some tough choices and ended up with the following list of nominees for the Joel Embiid’s Twitter Account Award for the Best Thing Ever…

Fleetwood Mac - Rumours
Sex Pistols - Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols!
The Allman Brothers Band - At Fillmore East
Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde
Neil Young - Harvest

And the winner is…Harvest by Neil Young! This one was deceptively tough, which frequent reader(s) might not expect since I’ve been pretty vocal about my love of Neil Young. Harvest is amazing, but I don’t put it on the same level as Are You Experienced or London Calling. But I still listen to Harvest straight through pretty frequently and it’s never gotten old, whereas I tend to just play my favorite songs from the others. That makes the difference here.

Emily: It was a bit difficult for me to determine what my favorite albums of this group were. A couple really stood out to me, but there was very large percentage of "meh" as well. After going over and over the list and re-reading my posts from the past year and a half, I think I've figured it out - it's the ones that I actually go back to again and again when so many others have fallen into forgotten corners of my mind. Without further adieu, the nominees for the I'm Sticking With You Award are...

Fleetwood Mac - Rumours

Sleater-Kinney - Dig Me Out

Sex Pistols - Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols!

Scissor Sisters - Scissor Sisters

Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde

And the winner is...Dig Me Out! I just didn't realize how much more I needed '90s riot-grrl punk in my life until I listened to this album. And then dug it out again (see what I did there?) on a snowy walk to the train in January. And again and again and again at the gym, while commuting, sitting at my desk, and cavorting around the city. It's a great hidden gem on this list, and I'm just disappointed that I probably won't get to see them perform live. Until the inevitable festival reunion, though, Dig Me Out will remain one of my favorites.

Now Presenting...The 200 Album Awards!

It’s been about a year and a half since we passed the 100 album mark. We’re sorry it took us so long to reach the next milestone, but now that we’ve successfully completed 20 percent of our objective, it seems like an appropriate time for somber reflection on all the brave hours lost fighting to protect us from boredom and homework. So, please, join us in a moment of silence…

Aaaaaand we’re done. Now that that is out of the way, it feels like the right time for celebration and joyful remembrance of albums both good and bad. That’s right; it’s time for our second 1001 Album Review Award Show!

While it did, admittedly, take a bit of pleading and both literal and figurative prodding, we’re excited to announce that Billy Crystal agreed to host the ceremony. Then we discovered, much to our chagrin, that Billy Crystal wanted to be paid for it. We turned to our fallback plan of getting James Franco and Anne Hathaway to host, but discovered that James Franco-Anne Hathaway-Oscars jokes have become tragically outdated. Pressed, we decided to dust off our evening gowns and host this special event ourselves yet again. Here’s hoping Ricky Gervais answers his voicemail in time for the 300^th one, though.

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Zack: This first award will require a bit of explaining. Perhaps you could even say that it is rather…confusing. Oh you don’t get that yet? This is the award for the most confusing album. How about now? Some albums just raise questions. That is not a comment on the quality, just a statement on the fact that there is some lingering element to the listening experience that prevents you from merely finishing the album and moving on. Sometimes, you need answers. The nominees for the "General Petraeus Award" are…

The Good, the Bad & the Queen – The Good, the Bad & the Queen

Butthole Surfers – Locust Abortion Technician

Devo – Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo!

Moby – Play

Holger Czukay – Movies

And the winner is….The Good, the Bad & the Queen! Moby made us ask why someone would just stop making a good album halfway through. Holger Czukay made us question what the hell Krautrock is. Butthole Surfers and Devo probably tie for quantity of questions raised. But if you’re talking quality of questions, nobody beats The Good, the Bad & the Queen. With a star-studded lineup like that, how is this album not emanating awesomeness? How is it possible to listen to it and not immediately hit replay. It just doesn’t make sense. And I suspect it never will.

Emily: My first award goes out to those albums we listened to way back when, in a time where we were fairly productive on this blog. I often say that I want to listen to certain albums again but I also often forget to when scrolling through the recesses of my iPod's artist list. Now, though, after looking back through the beginning of this last 100 group, a few albums deserve better than to be gathering virtual dust after one listen. The nominees for the "Relisten Now (or Later) Award" are...

The Sonics - Here Are The Sonics

Lou Reed - Berlin

Radiohead - The Bends

Joni Mitchell - Blue

Klaxons - Myths of the Near Future

The winner is...Radiohead! You see, a couple months back I actually did return to Radiohead. I was working on a paper and needed some music to calm my mind and keep me focused. I came across Radiohead in my iTunes library, turned it on, and just fell into it. Even after the paper was complete, I relistened to it a few more times. Looking back at my original review, I wasn't a big fan but predicted that I needed another listen or two to fully appreciate it - that was true, and only took a year to realize it. First impressions are one of the faults of this blog, and I'm glad to have given this album (and soon the other nominees) a second chance.

Zack: If someone has the audacity to compile a list of albums and include in the title a pseudo-threatening reference to my (most likely) untimely demise, you think they would also have the courtesy to make sure all of those albums are good. Tragically, when your goal is the perfectly symmetrical 1001, sometimes a few fillers have to get added in. Sometimes they’re worse than that. These are those times. The nominees for the "Deep Throat Award" are…

The Louvin Brothers – Tragic Songs of Life and Death

KISS – Destroyer

Willie Colon and Ruben Blades – Siembra

Queen Latifah – All Hail the Queen

Buck Owens – I’ve Got a Tiger by the Tail

And the winner is….. The Louvin Brothers, Tragic Songs of Life and Death! This one was tough. I mean, it was clearly between Louvin Brothers and Buck Owens all the way. The others weren’t very good, but they weren’t as tortuous as those two. But how to decide between two horrendous albums that seemed to be trying to undo all the goodwill Johnny Cash, Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson, Ryan Adams, and Silver Jews built up? I ultimately decided on length. Tragic Songs is about seven minutes longer than Tiger by the Tail. If you’re going to suffer, might as well do it for a shorter period of time.

Emily: As we've learned so clearly over the past 200 albums, one's musical taste may not reflect that of someone else. Some of the albums that we "must hear before we die" may have actually made us want to, well, die. Or at least attack our eardrums with a pointy object. The nominees for the "Ear Splitter Award" are...

Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works 85-92

Buck Owens - I've Got a Tiger by the Tail

Butthole Surfers – Locust Abortion Technician

ZZ Top - Eliminator

Iron Maiden - The Number of the Beast

And the winner is...Butthole Surfers! I think this album actually caused me physical ear pain. It was weird, but not in a good way. Definitely an unpleasant way. They had such promise for fun ridiculousness with that band name too...though I guess the album title should've been a clearer indicator for me to brace myself (not that I had a choice - thanks list-writers!)

Zack: We try and point out when an album is just transcendentally great whenever we can, but it’s hard to account for staying power. You may be blown away by an album the first time you hear it, but progressive listens take away some of the glamor. Likewise, extra plays can add value. After those initial listens, we try to provide the most honest review we can, but we often have to try and project for these variables. Even in varying degrees of retrospect, things can get mixed up. For instance, if I were to re-do the last best album ceremony, my nominees would be almost completely different (Hendrix, Neil Young, Johnny Cash, Jeff Buckley, and Pixies). But here we can at least try and nail down some semblance of a comparative analysis. With that in mind, the nominees for the "Hindsight Award" are…

The Clash – London Calling

Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

Radiohead – The Bends

Nas – Illmatic

Patti Smith – Horses

And the winner is…The Clash, London Calling! It was album No. 108 for us, and even back then I called it on par with my winner from the previous awards and what I had long considered my favorite album of all time, The Jimi Hendrix Experience’s Are You Experienced?. Time has not swayed my mind. In fact, it’s reinforced it. I listen to this album all the time and it never loses its luster. Horses and Yankee Hotel Foxtrot are both excellent. Illmatic remains my second favorite hip-hop album of all time (behind Eric B. and Rakim’s Paid in Full, which isn’t even on the list, as I’ve mentioned a thousand times). And The Bends pretty much singlehandedly got me through Hurricane Sandy (note: gratuitous exaggeration). But London Calling is on a different level than just mere greatness. When people ask what my favorite album is now, I tell them it’s a tie. And I expect to feel the same way when we clear 300 albums as well.

Emily: Picking my favorite albums of the last 100 was extremely difficult. Partially this was because it's been so long since I've listened to some of them, but it's also because there were just so many fantastic albums in this group. Some are noted classics, while others snuck up on me and quietly blew me away. There are some notable exceptions to the nominees for this award, but like with all awards shows that inevitably happens. While considering the nominees for the "I Can Barely Pick Just One! Award," feel free to debate the merits of my choices.

Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

The Clash - London Calling

Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

Patti Smith - Horses

The Beatles - Revolver

And the winner is...The Clash! Yes, Zack and I agree on this one. London Calling is indisputably one of the greatest albums of all time. It's innovative, unique, and just plain awesome. My words just can't do it justice. Of course, all of the nominees are deserving of the title of "greatest" - that's why they're on this list after all. However, London Calling is simply a cut above the rest.

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Thank you for taking the time to indulge us in our celebration. Normal posts will return shortly. With winter break right around the corner for us, we’re hoping to make quite a bit of progress in the upcoming month. We’re a fifth of the way there, guys. It’s not happening quickly, but it is happening. That’s a victory in itself, right? Right? Please say right…