#69: Ministry - Psalm 69: The Way to Succeed and the Way to Suck Eggs (1992)

Zack: As many of you out there probably know, the number 69 is the most bro number ever. Granted, that's not much of an achievement since bros are so anti-math, but it's still worth commemorating. Once we decided to do something special to celebrate this bro-tastic milestone, it was just a matter of determining what was the most bro album on this list. We searched high and low for some Dave Matthew's Band or Whiz Khalifa, but there was none to be found. Then, we stumbled across this gem and knew it was perfect. First off, it has the number 69 in the title, which is always a good start. Second, succeed and suck eggs is actually a shockingly clever play on oral sex. Get it? Suck-seed and suck eggs. It made me lol. The fact that it is so rooted in one of the staples of bro culture (brolture?) helped it to overcome the fact that it was a metal album and metal is totally unchill. Bros love dome, after all. Now, on to actually reviewing this album. First, allow me to change my pants because I wet myself listening to the first track. Yeah, it was that scary. When I learned that that particular song had been nominated for a Grammy, I had to assume it was because the people who nominated it were scared that that song may know where they sleep. Moving on past that song, however, the album became slightly more bearable, if only slightly. Some of the songs were cool in a headbangy sort of way. But ultimately, it just didn't suit me personally. To me, metal is best when used as an enhancer. If you play it over a visual, that visual becomes aggressive and intense. When it's unaccompanied, it just makes me want to cower in the corner.
Favorite Tracks: Hero; Scare Crow; TV II

Emily: As a wise lead singer of a ska band once said, in regards to a metal version of one of the band's songs, "It was scary and it got people too excited." Well, half of that statement applies to this album. It was just plain scary. When we turned on the first track, all we could do was whimper in fear. That initial shock died down after a couple tracks, but that's not to say the rest of the album was all warm and fuzzy. It was loud and banging and just...metal-y. Not exactly my style. But if that's your thing, you can go suck some eggs. Just like Squidward Tentacles.
Favorite Tracks: Hero; Jesus Built My Hotrod; Psalm 69