#225: Linkin Park - Hybrid Theory (2000)

Zack: Along with Sum 41’s seminal All Killer, No Filler, Hybrid Theory was one of the first albums I ever got. I forget if they were birthday or Christmas gifts, but that is where my musical voyage began. So, yeah, there’s a bit of sentimental value here. Realistically, I may have listened to this album more than any other….ever. I was that big of an 11-year-old Linkin Park fan. I don’t think I’d listened to it in like 5 years before today, but you best believe I knew every word. And I think it’s important to know that I first gravitated to them when I heard Crawling (the second single), not In the End (the fourth) like all the other 11-year-old posers. It’s also probably important to mention that I continued listening to Linkin Park up until like my junior year of high school, when I would listen to Minutes to Midnight and play Final Fantasy X, which I’m telling you solely because writing about how dated things are is fun. For fuck’s sake, I had Reanimation, the album where they just remixed all the songs on Hybrid Theory and drifted a bit more towards the rap portion of the rap-rock chimera they professed to be. Ultimately, my point here is to make it clear that I can’t possibly critique it. There’s just too strong a bond. It was hard not to just give every song 5 stars out of sheer echoes of childhood wonder at what I was hearing. Honestly, this is not a great album. It might not even be a good album, and I assume it’s only on this list because…okay I’m not even sure why. Because they sold a lot of copies? Because it’s like a super mainstream form of Rage Against the Machine? I really don’t know. But this is my childhood right here. If you want to listen to something tangentially related to Linkin Park that is actually worth checking out, get The Rising Tied by Fort Minor (Mike Shinoda’s side project). It’s got some crazy Machine Shop beats and a lot of really great guest spots, including Common, Lupe Fiasco, John Legend and Black Thought. Seriosuly. But Hybrid Theory is best left as a memento of a bygone era where people thought that Linkin Park were legitimately cool to listen to.

Favorite Tracks: Crawling; A Place for My Head; In the End

Emily: Linkin Park fans tend to be adolescent or teenage boys full of angst and/or anger. The person I most associate with the band is a kid who was on my bus in middle school and high school who fucking loved them. He went to multiple concerts and tried to get his other friends on the bus to go with him (seemingly to no avail). This kid wasn't particularly angsty or angry, but perhaps he was just suffering from the general state of teendom. Female preteens and teenagers going through the same thing had different musical heroes in the early '00s (hello, Avril Lavigne), so I personally never really got in to Linkin Park beyond their singles (though I do really enjoy Numb and its subsequent mashup with Jay-Z's Encore). Hybrid Theory makes clear why Linkin Park was so successful and revered by music-buying teen boys. It's one of the most accessible albums of the early rap-rock era with its arena guitars, scream-sung lyrics filled with anger and emotion, and interwoven rap verses. While I found it inconsistent, the singles are strong examples of alternative metal and signal Linkin Park's potential - a potential fulfilled through millions of albums sold.

Favorite Tracks: In the End; Crawling; One Step Closer

#206: Limp Bizkit - Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water (2000)

Zack: Let me start by saying that I was torn on this album going in. As a person who likes to write bitter, sarcastic things, this seemed to provide such an opportunity. But, as a person with functioning ears, this seemed like an experience detrimental to my overall health. While I am unable to say with absolute certainty until I see the finished product, I have reason to believe that it was not worth it. After all, what could I possibly say that would not be but a mere echo of the hundred, maybe thousands, of music critics who have previously listened to this piece of……..art(?) and tried to vent their feelings. Let me start with passing on the information that a chocolate starfish is a certain orifice located towards the rear end of a human being. Mr. Durst refers to himself as a chocolate starfish at one point, and that is where the self-awareness ends. Most of the tracks are insecure rants about how people be talking shit behind their backs. He does not clarify who these people are or what they’re saying, but I have reason to believe that Mr. Durst has mistaken printed words for “behind his back,” a fact that I attribute to anyone who finds the concept of “hot dog flavored water” to be funny probably has questionable literacy. From there we descend into a cavern of douchery, one that includes a reference to Christina Aguilera. Which just reminded me of Eminem calling him out on that in The Real Slim Shady (Eminem would later write a diss track called Girls where he said “I'm peggin Fred with the bottle of dye that he bleached his head with!" Proving once again that Eminem is always willing to fight the battles that I don’t have the mic skills to fight). The darkest recesses of this cavern are incomprehensible depths of douchebaggery, but they seem to lie somewhere between that infamous Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’ song and when he apologizes for a reference to a joint by saying that he doesn’t smoke, just likes the smell. Then we have a song that has Xzibit in it, which serves as a beautiful respite from this hellish torture. Wasn’t there something in the Geneva Conventions about this, or was it clarified in Additional Protocol I? Damnit, Obama, get the Senate to ratify already so no one has to tolerate this type of mistreatment again! Look it up. Anyway, what I think makes the terrible levels of suckitude here worse is that I’m dangerously close to his target audience. I genuinely like Linkn Park and even listen to Korn on the occasion. Plus, I’m only moderately embarrassed to admit that. The whole “screamy rap rock/metal” is something I have a history of enjoying. But this just proves that if anything can be done well, than it can also be done hilariously poorly. It also raises several questions. First and foremost, was the motivation for Xhibit, Scott Weiland, Method Man, Red Man, and DMX to appear on this album solely financial or was it pity? Were hostages taken? Were they just hoping that by appearing here they might prevent a few listeners from deciding that suicide wasn’t the answer to their jammed repeat buttons on their compact disc players (it was 2000, after all)? Why did they think it important to include a 10 minute outro track that was almost entirely a dude awkwardly laughing at virtually nothing (“Did you call him DJ Lethal when you were kids….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!)? Was a creature this terrible brought to this world through alchemy? What made Fred Durst think it was okay to just add one new line to the remixed version of a song and otherwise just say the same thing over a new beat? Are the members of Limp Bizkit really just America’s most subtle satirists? If not, why the fuck was this on the list in the first place?

Favorite Tracks: Rollin’ (Urban Assault Vehicle) (the non-Durst parts only); Getcha Groove On (the non-Durst parts only); Take a Look Around

Emily: About 2 songs into this album, I texted Zack something along the lines of "WHY LIST, WHY?" I have no idea why this album is here, and it spurred such random and angry musings in me that I can only write this review in list form as I listen to it. So, here goes:

1) Fred Durst, stop trying to make "chocolate starfish" happen. It's not going to happen. (Seriously, even what it refers to is just nasty)

2) Why do I know so many of these songs, at least in passing? Goddamn radio

3) Some of this must be a joke. A few lyrics are passable for Weird Al.

4) And now he's trying to be serious on The One. And by serious, I mean slowing it down a little and talking about wanting someone to stay.

5) Thank god this rap-metal thing didn't take off. The early 2000s - my formative music-listening years -would've sucked so hard.

6) Unless your name is Eminem, white men should not be rapping.

7) Rather, if your name is Fred Durst you shouldn't be rapping.

8) Xzibit? What are you doing here? Why aren't you pimping rides?

9) I feel forced to pay attention to these lyrics but they're so damn bad I have nothing to say.

10) Just because you say fuck every other word doesn't make you badass, Mr. Durst.

11) Close to the end I started tuning out. Oops.

12) This is a really long album. Unnecessarily long.

13) And all of the songs are really repetitive. They don't sound like each other, but within each song there's so much line and chorus repetition it gets annoying. Many of the songs break the 4 or 5 minute mark, and could be much shorter if they didn't repeat the same phrases a billion times.

14) Now someone is barking. What the actual fuck?

15) The last song is just a guy talking. Is it Fred Durst? I have no fucking clue. But there's no beat or anything. Just a guy dicking around and making fun of Limp Bizkit. This is just unnecessary.

16) And now taking Limp Bizkit too seriously. This sucks man.

17) And it's just laughing now. I'm convinced: this album is a cruel sick joke with which Limp Bizkit just wanted to fuck with the American listening public. Considering how many albums were sold, they might have succeeded.

The last hour or so has been extremely unpleasant. I hope I never have to experience such shittiness again from this list - and considering what I've just heard, I doubt I will.

Favorite Tracks: My Way; The One; Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)