The (Less than) Annual Album Awards: 400 Albums Edition

Can’t stop, won’t stop. It’s a funny line from a ChappelleShow skit. It’s a book on our shelves that desperately wants to be read. And it’s the underlying mantra for us here at 1001 Album Reviews. We’ve labored and toiled over the course of more than 5-and-a-half years. And yet, we can’t stop. We won’t stop.

Except today, when we are totally stopping to celebrate meeting the 40% mark on this endeavor! Another hundred albums have come and gone, and it is time to memorialize them the only way we know how/have tried: *Oprah voice* FAKE AWAAAAAAAARDS!!!

So, without further ado, let’s revisit some of the albums and artists that have left their mark over the last nearly 2 years since our last fake award. And then, let us begin anew our efforts to complete this slog. For glory!!!

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Zack: What’s in a name? For us, a shit ton. A very important criterion for which albums we choose to listen to is how cool is the name. So I wanted to take a moment to recognize those bands and albums with implausibly cool names. With that said, the nominees for the Mustapha Mond Award for Best Name are…

The Boo Radleys - Giant Steps
Super Furry Animals - Fuzzy Logic
Tom Waits - Nighthawks at the Diner
Violent Femmes - Violent Femmes
The Wu-Tang Clan - Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)

And the winner is…Tom Waits, Nighthawks at the Diner! While there is little special about the man’s name, I love this album title. There’s something about it that is just very vivid and poetic. Boo Radleys have a great band name, but the album title is lacking. Violent Femmes is also a great band name, but they don’t get double points for going with an eponymous album title. I like the link between the band and album titles for Super Furry Animals, but neither really capture the essence of the band. Wu-Tang Clan almost snatched this. It is a great name and the album title is better than going purely eponymous. I honestly love it. But I just love Nighthawks at the Diner (as a title) a little bit more.

Emily: Sometimes, the best thing about an album is its danceability. There is always room for music that you can groove to at a club, in the car, or even in your living room when no one else is home. It doesn't have to be the most interesting or groundbreaking album - all you need are some good beats and a few lyrics that are fun to shout along with. The nominees for the Shake Your Groove Thing Award are...

ABBA - Arrival

Basement Jaxx - Remedy

Curtis Mayfield - Super Fly

Justice - Cross

Sister Sledge - We Are Family

And the winner is...Sister Sledge, We Are Family! While Justice and Basement Jaxx are great for the club, I'm just not the club-going type. But throw on We Are Family in the car or at a wedding, and everyone from your grandma to your baby cousin will be dancing and singing along. Disco is made for dancing, and Sister Sledge have mastered the groove.

Zack: You would think that a list of 1001 albums that demand listening would only have good stuff within in. You would be very wrong. Every once in a while, an album betrays us. They force us to listen as they are unmistakably and irredeamably bad. They hit us where we’re most sensitive with this suckiness. The nominees for the Steven Adams’s Testicles Award are…

ABBA - Arrival
Barry Adamson - Moss Side Story
The Beau Brummels - Triangle
Culture Club - Colour By Numbers
Throbbing Gristle - D.o.A.: Third and Final Report

And the winner is…Throbbing Gristle, D.o.A.: Third and Final Report!!! Throbbing Gristle may be the album we listened to most recently, but I still feel confident saying that it was also the worst. Beau Brummels’s mediocrity drove me crazy. Barry Adamson was just lacking cohesiveness and was kind of dull. And ABBA and Culture Club share a common sin: They were just too fucking poppy. Throbbing Gristle, however, was just terrible from start to finish. I don’t have any clue why anyone would ever like this album. I just don’t.

Emily: Sometimes, among all of the classic albums that we get to listen to on this list, something totally terrible sneaks on. Not just mediocre, not just confusing, but music that can actually cause physical pain when you listen to it. Unpleasant albums have come up in every section of our journey through the list, but only a select few are deemed totally unlistenable. The nominees for the I'd Rather Take the Bar Again than Listen to This Album are...

Adam and the Ants - Kings of the Wild Frontier

Barry Adamson – Moss Side Story

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - Will the Circle be Unbroken

Scott Walker - Scott 2

Throbbing Gristle - D.o.A.: Third and Final Report

And the winner is...Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Will the Circle be Unbroken! Although there were many strong contenders for worst album here, Nitty Gritty clocks in at almost two hours of twangtastic country music. I listened to it over the course of several days last summer, and each time I prayed for it to be over as quickly as possible. The sheer length combined with the unpleasantness makes this the album I'd choose the bar exam over, time and time again.

Zack: And now, to celebrate those precious albums that make it all worthwhile. Plenty of albums that we come across are good, and some are even great. But there are previous few gems that make you stop and say “Wow.” These are those albums. They’re the ones that change the way you think of music. They’re the ones that seem to wash over you in their excellence. They’re the ones you definitely don’t put on Dropbox for other people to bask in since that would be illegal file sharing. And among these gems, one shines brightest. This gem, from the listed nominees, is the Steven Adams’s Moustache Award Winner. The nominees…

BB King - Live at the Regal
Bruce Springsteen - Darkness on the Edge of Town
Fundadelic - Maggot Brain
Otis Redding - Otis Blues/Otis Redding Sings Soul
Wu-Tang Clan - Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)

And the winner is….the Wu-Tang Clan, Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)!!! It’s one of my favorite rap albums, and for damn good reasons. It completely changed the course of rap music, all for the better. I wrote a long review for it, so I won’t sing its praises too much. But I will say that it beat out some tough competition. BB King and Otis Redding created masterpieces of their genres in Live at the Regal and Otis Redding Sings Soul. Bruce did some amazing things lyrically on Darkness at the Edge of Town, and the genius in those words is matched by what Funkadelic did musically on Maggot Brain. All of these albums, and a number of others that couldn’t make the cut, were strong contenders. But, I mean, it’s 36 Chambers. Enough said.

Emily: As easy as it was to find albums that I hated from this batch, it was really hard to find ones that I loved. Maybe it's because it's been almost two years since we last had an awards post, or maybe it's because this middle section just wasn't all that inspiring. However, a few albums broke through the dust to become my favorites. The Diamond in the Rough Best Album nominees are...

B.B. King - Live at the Regal

Count Basie - The Atomic Mr. Basie

Joni Mitchell - The Hissing of Summer Lawns

Morrissey - Your Arsenal

Primal Scream - Vanishing Point

The winner is...B.B. King, Live at the Regal! Over the last couple of years, I've listened to more and more jazz and blues music. It's probably because I mostly listen to music while I work, and instrumentals do the trick of keeping me focused while not distracting me. But I have had the opportunity to hear some live jazz in the last few months, and I've realized that jazz is best heard live. The musicians can improvise and try new things, feeding off the audience and coming up with new classics right before their eyes and ears. B.B. King's live album epitomizes the energy of a live show, helmed by one of the masters of the craft. That's why it's an enduring classic, and my favorite album of this group.

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Well, thanks for putting up with another long post. We’ll be back to reviewing albums shortly, and we’ll try to get around to doing another one of these before the sun expires. But no promises.